I was never a big Monopoly fan as a kid. Maybe I was growing up on the cusp of video game dominance and couldn't stay focused. Perhaps it was the tedium of managing the bank that turned me off, or maybe I just didn't run in a board game crowd. For whatever reason I just didn't play it much.
Whomever buys Connecticut, Vermont and Oriental Avenues and builds hotels first, wins. That's it. There is no discussion.
Don't talk to me about railroads and don't even mention those ridiculous 'high end' properties like Park Place and Boardwalk. Buy the light blue properties for any price, develop them fully, win the game. End of story.
Well I don't like that kind of talk . . .
"See, this game will end eventually, and when it does, whichever players were the hardest working, most committed, most obedient, most accepting of the rules and least apt to complain, will be rewarded in the next game."
Racecar smiled, but Top Hat seemed uncertain.
"What kind of reward?" Top Hat asked.
"Oh, well for one thing, if you're good enough to qualify, nobody can lose the next game. Everyone wins."
"But how can this game work if no one loses?" Top Hat asked. "Risk and reward are necessary . . ."
Race-car interrupted. "Everyone wins?!?!?!?"
"That's right! No one loses. You go round and round and never make a lousy roll. It's just win, win, win, win."
"Well, until the game is over, right?" Race-car asked.
"No that's the best part!" I continued. "This game we're in now, it will end for sure. But the next game? . . . Get this. It goes on forever!!!"
Race-car squealed his tires like a happy schoolgirl.
"So let me get this straight . . . If I obey the rules and keep doing laps and keep playing this game faithfully despite the fact that it is obviously rigged in your favor, I'll be rewarded with an eternity of success and happiness in the next game?"
"That's right!" I said.
He honked his horn. "Well come on Top Hat! Let's get back to this game and earn our places in eternity!"
"Nah . . . I don't fuckin' think so." Top Hat replied flatly.
"What do you mean? Don't you want to get to the next game and enjoy unbridled eternal success?"
"Actually Race-car, that sounds like a load of bullshit that's designed to make us accept the patently unfair circumstances that we find ourselves in and suggest that there is virtue in our willingness to accept less than what we deserve in THIS game. I don't think I'm playing anymore. I think I'm gonna sit my ass down right here until that son of a bitch un-rigs THIS game so that I at least have a viable stake in my own future."
Then Race-car shot Top Hat in the face with pepper spray and dragged him off to jail.
So yeah . . . Monopoly HD for iPad. Fun!